


109 Ways To Take His Breath Away

by chinesebakery



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: And good sex too, Bad Sex, Comedy, Cosmopolitan, F/M, Fluff, Inner sex Goddesses, Magazines, NO CHILL JEMMA, SEYCHELLES - Freeform, Sexytimes, Silliness during sexytimes, but no actual smut, planes, sex tips, silliness, try-hard Jemma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 20:50:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7069504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chinesebakery/pseuds/chinesebakery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is a universally known fact that long distance flights are boring. This was the reason why Jemma Simmons, never one to object to homework, found herself purchasing some reading material to keep her occupied on her flight to the Seychelles with a certain Engineer. Proper research is important for educational holidays, and Cosmopolitan's latest Sex Issue should do nicely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	109 Ways To Take His Breath Away

**Author's Note:**

> Based on superirishbreakfasttea's "terrible sex tips" headcanon.
> 
> Many thanks do doteleven for beta-reading!

While Fitz enjoyed a long post-beach shower, making the most of their hotel room's luxurious bathroom, Jemma took the opportunity to review the article she'd read –and annotated– on the plane the day before while Fitz had snored softly in the next seat. As far as she could recall, she'd never once purchased that kind of magazine before. When the time had come to pick up some reading material for the plane, though, she'd decided to try something new. Something light and stress-free. Something that would take her mind far away from the gut-wrenching sight of Daisy's grief, and possibly even get her in a holiday mood.

It just so happened that Cosmopolitan's current issue was slathered with promises of sexual bliss, which instantly caught her attention. She and Fitz had  _a lot_ of time to make up for, and six whole nights to do so in a beautiful room with a view – and a king size bed.

She hadn't given it much thought the previous night when they'd finally arrived to the hotel. While they'd certainly celebrated their sharing a room without having to hide, they were too out-of-sync to try anything too sophisticated. Fitz was a little hyper from all the sugary snacks he'd devoured during the flight's last hours, and Jemma was completely knackered after failing to take even a short nap. But now they were both refreshed and mellowed after an entire day of doing very little, and Jemma was feeling ready, sexy and a little experimental.

Many of the tips the magazine suggested were out due to circumstances and logistics. There was little doubt that Fitz would be open to bringing some chocolate sauce or ice cream to the bedroom, but Jemma would never engage in messy activities in linens that weren't theirs. That still left  _many_ suggestive ideas open to investigate, however.

**_"34 percent of guys say they wish a girl would surprise them with oral when they walk in the door."_ **

As she thought it through, Jemma's eyes darted in the direction of the bathroom door. While it sounded plausible enough, she regretfully decided to rule that one out. Fitz was an Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. after all, and pouncing on him unexpectedly as he entered the room –albeit with the best of intentions– might result in an unfortunate escalation of forces. That wasn't the kind of wrestling she had in mind.

**_"Alternate between swiveling both wrists in opposite directions and stroking your hands upward, twisting your wrists when you reach his head as though you are turning a doorknob. Rub your thumb in a tiny figure-eight pattern over his frenelum... Or try the windshield-wiper move; glide your thumb from side to side along the rim where his head begins, then move your thumb up and over the top of the head several times."_ **

That one gave her pause. She tried to mimic the described motions in the air, just to gain a better grasp of the situation, but it only resulted in more confusion. The doorknob idea, though, that one she resolved to try that very evening.

**_"Firmly hold the bottom of his shaft in one hand and slowly push it towards the base. (Imagine you're pushing his penis into his body)."_ **

Now  _that_ was something she could do, although the notion of pushing his penis back inside his body sounded rather counter-productive.

Before she had time to ponder it further, she heard the bathroom door open and swiftly stowed the magazine in the bedside table's drawer. As Fitz came into view, wearing only one of the hotel's extra fluffy towels, she struck an inviting pose on the bed, with a knee bent and an arm behind her head. Since she was only wearing her skimpy bikini, she very much hoped it would give him ideas.

"You shaved," she beamed. The bottom of his face looked significantly paler that the rest, now. While he looked very handsome with his scruff, she loved the endearingly boyish face underneath just as much.

"Yeah," he said, thoughtlessly rubbing at his jaw as he sat on the edge of the bed next to her. "I thought we could eat out tonight. The restaurant by the beach looks nice. And I know it's silly but… it would be our first real date, wouldn't it?"

Jemma chuckled. "I think we've had a bit of a head start on that." She pulled him in for a kiss, her fingers grazing the nape of his neck. "Actually, I was rather looking forward to having you all to myself tonight."

"Oh?" His eyes widened, his interest peaked.

"Mmhmm," she confirmed, and pulled him to her.

As it turned out, Fitz didn't require much convincing. Within moments, they were kissing deeply, desperately, and Jemma's bikini top was sent flying to the floor. His mouth was hot and insistent in all the right places, reminding her how fast a learner he was when sufficiently motivated.

Her own eagerness to please him eventually got the best of her and she flipped them over to straddle his thighs. By the time the towel was out of the way and her hand met hot, pulsing flesh, Jemma was smirking, prematurely pleased with herself.

Channeling what Cosmo called 'her inner sex Goddess', she wrapped a hand around him and twisted one way, then the other. Surprisingly, he didn't give much of a reaction other than a soft intake of breath. That's when she remembered one of the key pieces of advice she'd read earlier:  _"Many women make the mistake of being too gentle."_

She squeezed him again, and made sure not to repeat said mistake. This time, Fitz gasped loudly. He did not look pleased, exactly.

"Bloody Hell, Jemma!" Fitze whined. He gently but firmly pulled her hands away, staring back at her with a mixture of wariness and confusion.

"You didn't like that?" Jemma was  genuinely surprised.

"Was I  _supposed_ to?" He sounded bewildered.

"Sorry," she gave him an apologetic half-smile, then kissed his lips softly. "Won't do it again."

Fitz wasn't hesitant for long, and they soon resumed their usual hungry, passionate kissing. , Their hands roamed each other's bodies, until Jemma decided it might be time to give the old pushing-inside technique a try. 

She felt him tense slightly when her hands gripped him, but he relaxed just as quickly under her ministrations. The moment she did exactly as the magazine had suggested, Fitz yelped and pushed her off him so bruskly she almost fell off the bed.

"Jemma." He cautiously slid as far away from her as the width of the bed would allow, and raised his knees to shield his offended manhood. "What's going on?"

Jemma stared back, abashed and disappointed –she hated it when her research failed her. She considered deflecting his question with some vague excuses of jet lag and exhaustion, but Fitz looked at her with such concern that she resigned to tell him the truth.

"It's that magazine I read on the plane," she admitted with a pout. "There was an article about – well, if you can even call that an article, really, it was more of a bullet-point list, but–"

"Show me," he demanded. He held out his hand and waited.

Jemma grudgingly passed over the magazine. His mouth twitched in a grimace as he took in the brightly colored cover and the decidedly provocative titles. While he made no comment, his eyes darted to her face several times. As he scanned through the pages, his face took on an increasingly perplexed expression.

"You do realize there's nothing in there that sounds even  _remotely_ pleasurable, yeah?" Fitz furrowed his brow to an alarming degree.

"Well–"

" _Hold his penis in one hand and lightly slap it with the other,_ " he read, his voice aghast. " _You can tap it back and forth like you're volleying a tennis ball and lightly pinch the skin on his shaft and testicles._ " He dropped the magazine. "This is– I don't even–"

"Well, of course, when you say it like that it sounds terrible, but maybe if you would just let me  _try_ –"

"–I don't even know where to start," he interrupted, holding up a hand. "Just to be clear, I do  _not_ consent to you volleying my– my anything, really! And no  _pinching_! Bloody hell, what kind of  _monster–_ "

"Okay, okay," she huffed, rolling her eyes. “No need to get  _that_ intense about it." 

"Jemma," he said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "We've been together for, what? Twelve days now? Do we  _really_ think we need to spice up our sex life?"

"It's not that," she replied hurriedly. "Not at all! It's just– I wanted to… Oh, I don't know." She sighed in frustration.

"I thought we were doing okay," he continued, unsuccessfully trying to keep the hurt out of his voice."

"We are! We're doing great," she insisted.

"Why, then?" Fitz’s eyes were a well of doubt and uncertainty as he gestured toward the offending pages, where a muscled, suntanned couple beamed up at them.

The truth was, Jemma didn't know how to explain herself without hurting his feelings or sounding outrageously presumptuous. It was no secret that Fitz wasn't very experienced in  _that area_. He'd only ever alluded to it, the V-word never having been said out loud– but he wasn't much of a talker, either. Jemma wouldn't have minded a little pointer here and there, especially since she felt it was now her mission in life to catch him up on anything he might have missed. She wanted to figure out what worked best for him, as far as two-person events went. They both had to make up for lost time, but him even more so than her, and she very much wanted to help with that.

"I just want... Well," she shrugged simply. "I want to blow your mind."

"Jemma–" he breathed, his mouth falling open.

"-and I can't do that without  _some_ input. Really, Fitz, a little feedback would help," she continued, her voice sounding a little throaty to her own ears. "Use your words. Tell me how I'm doing." 

"I– this really isn't what I was expecting you to say," he chuckled, looking thoroughly relieved.

"Well? Do you think you can do that?"

"Uh-uh," he nodded enthusiastically , and she couldn't help but laugh. 

Jemma scooted over to sit next to him. His posture had relaxed and she could see he'd quite recovered from their earlier incident. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him in for a long kiss, before she started pecking her way down his torso.

A few minutes later, once she was satisfied that his breathing had really picked up, she slowed down, earning no reaction from him but satisfied groans.

" _Your words,_ Fitz," she said, her eyes burning into his, "or I'll stop."

"Faster– please, faster," he gasped between sharp breaths. He was completely oblivious to Jemma's sudden, satisfied smirk.

***

"So, would you say you are enjoying our first date so far?" Jemma asked softly. She rested her head on his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat slow to its normal rhythm.

"It's not bad," he grinned, his fingers combing through her hair. "I, mean, I didn't expect to need a safe word– Oof," he rubbed at the arm she'd just lightly slapped, "but now that's out of the way, I think it's going pretty great."

"I should condemn you to a lifetime of unimaginative foreplay and missionary position," Jemma tutted primly.

"Oh, that would be  _absolutely_ terrible, I'm sure," he said, his scoff turning into a yawn. He rubbed his belly. "Do you think it's too late to go out for dinner?"

"Room service?" Jemma suggested. "I'm quite happy where I am right now."

"You have more freaky experiments to run on me, don't you?" Fitz asked with exaggerated wariness.

"Are you trying to dissuade my interest in your biology?"

"Nope," he grinned, "but you've had your turn. Let's see what kind of racket sport  _I_ can play with your bits, shall we?"

 

**Author's Note:**

> [For your consideration.](http://jezebel.com/5919206/cosmos-44-most-ridiculous-sex-tips)


End file.
